Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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