We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
