a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
