either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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