The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
