I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
