can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
