Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
