Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
