You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
