he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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