My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
