we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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