So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
