Your tits are I can't wait for
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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