using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
