I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
