I want to walk on stilts...naked
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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