LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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