he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
