Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
me + whiskey = a bad person
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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