If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
