Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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