You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
