my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
