then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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