i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
