the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
