In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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