you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
