It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
