How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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