Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She announced her abortion via fbk
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I could fuck to npr.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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