WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
