Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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