I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
