sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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