Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
