Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
