I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
