Who wears a wallet chain?!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
