Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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