I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
