I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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