Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
