her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
