you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
