I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
