i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
