my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
