I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
don't judge my taste in strippers
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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