Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
